March 25 - An Update and Answers to Some Questions

Here are the most recent photos from today. I'm still steadily losing hair, but not in large patches like last week when it started. It seems to be that the existing patches are slowly expanding, and I am getting a bunch of scattered small areas, as well as overall thinning across most of my scalp.

When I shampoo and rinse in the shower, each time my hands pass through my hair I end up with a bunch of strands stuck to them. I've gotten into the habit of examining them, seeing how many are 'exclamation point hairs', as they are called [short, broken off hairs that are narrower closer to the scalp, appearing like an exclamation point] and how many are normal hairs that have shed. I'm finding it interesting, like looking at the patterns of loss on my scalp in the mirror in the morning. Weird? Maybe a little, haha.

It's been two weeks today since I found the first bald spot. Sometimes it's really weird to think about, and there are moments where I'm slightly in disbelief; it was just so sudden! I am still holding strong, though. Feeling pretty great, actually. These last couple weeks have been good.

I have the most amazing friends, family and boyfriend anyone could ever ask for, especially during a difficult time. Everyone has been so supportive and wonderful. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

I'd like to take a few minutes to answer a few questions I've been asked several times this week:

"How long will you let it go before you start wearing something to cover your head?"
You know, I honestly am not sure. As of right now, it doesn't show much. The largest spots in back are not too obvious unless I move my hair around (fussing with it, being out in the wind, etc.) There is one patch right on the back of where my part is, and the front section where it's been thinning shows, but it doesn't bother me. It's really not that bad at this point.

I'm not feeling self conscious about it. For now, I'll make sure to wear something when out in the sun, because my scalp gets uncomfortably hot very quickly. Aside from that, we'll see how much longer it'll be before I make head coverings a regular thing. I kind of want to enjoy my hair normally while I still have it, and not cover it all up right away because there's no saying how long it'll last.

I am starting to think about it a lot though, and am getting more and more excited about getting hats and head scarves. I've found several hats I really like, and I think head scarves are very pretty. In some ways I sort of think having an awesome collection of hats and scarves is just as good as having hair. With different styles, patterns, and ways of tying them, I can have something totally different every day. That's pretty cool, especially seeing as I've never been one to 'do' anything with my hair anyway; it's always the same. So this seems like it could be a lot of fun.

Oh, and today I received an unexpected package at work. What was it, you ask? It was one of the hats I found online that I liked so much. My brother had it sent to me, because he's the best! Thanks again, Ed! I love it! [the one in the photo above]


"Why put this all in a blog online, for the world to see?"
Well...This isn't something I can keep to myself even if I wanted to, since it could end up being such an 'obvious' thing. Right off the bat I decided not to be shy about it. There is the potential for quick and drastic change in how I look, so I figured I'd just put it all out there. I much prefer it this way; it seems less awkward to just talk about it openly and let everyone know what's going on. That way it's not shocking or surprising to anyone who hasn't seen me in a while. Also, writing about it is very cathartic for me. Sitting down to think about what I'm feeling so that I can share with everyone has been a great way for me to deal with what's happening. I'm very comfortable talking about it and am not ashamed or embarrassed. It's just how things are, why not talk about it? If you want to ask me any questions, in person or online, please don't hesitate. I'd love to answer them.

"I still don't understand why you don't want to at least try any of the treatment options you've found out about"
What I've been feeling about NOT doing treatment (which I wrote about in my post on the 18th) still stands. Maybe even more so now than a week ago. I've done a ton of reading about the treatment options and about other people's experiences. Though many have had success regrowing hair with treatments, almost all I have read about have ended up losing it again. A lot of them seem bitter and utterly sad about having Alopecia, and are constantly stressed out and unhappy. Then there are the side effects. And the fact that these treatments are pretty much experimental.

So, to put it simply: I am not so desperate for my hair to grow back that I am willing to put myself through that kind of stress and emotional strife. [I am not sick. I do not feel any pain or discomfort. If that were the case, my decision might be different. But as I said before, there are no effects on my health other than the hair loss] It's not worth it to me for something that is purely cosmetic, especially when the odds of it coming back on its own are so good.

[I have been looking into natural/holistic type remedies for Alopecia. Once I find out more, I might give something along that route a try. We'll see.]

Yes, I would love for it all to grow back, of course! I would be very happy if it did. I miss what has already gone, and will miss whatever else falls. But I am not depressed about it. I'm not unhappy having this condition. In fact, I'm no longer even afraid of how much more hair I may end up losing. Half of it? All of it? Who cares?! I'm extremely happy with my life, with or without Alopecia.

And to be quite honest, I don't mind being different. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

I just see it as a challenge; an obstacle to overcome. I feel like Jack Sparrow standing at the huge open mouth of the Kraken. :)

Anyway, that's it for tonight. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this!