April 14 - Slow and Steady Wins the Race?

It's been just over a month now since I started showing signs of Alopecia Areata; since the first patch of missing hair was found, and since I was diagnosed.

I am still losing hair, seemingly as steadily as I've been. Like I said last time, not really any new surprise big [blam!] overnight patches. The patches I have are still growing, and the general thinning is continuing. A few of the areas that were thinning out before have turned into patches now, but smaller ones than the others.

My way of 'assessing' the rate of loss I am experiencing is to see how much comes out on my hands during a shower. It's the most tangible way to see on a day to day basis. Before I started losing my hair to alopecia, I would normally have probably about 5 hairs come onto my hands, that I would stick to the shower wall. [I think most girls do this, right?] Nowadays, I have about 40-50 [yes, I have counted] during each shower. It's become sort of a strange ritual for me. I stick them on the shower wall, and like I mentioned before, I study them to see how many have weird root ends on them. Most of them do. It's that and hair on my pillow in the morning, hair falling onto my shoulders during the day...really quite annoying! Oh and I have to liquid plumber the shower and sink drains on a regular basis now. Also annoying.

It does not seem to be slowing down at all for the time being, and I'm definitely beginning to wonder how much more I'll lose this time around. I am not upset about the situation. I'm still feeling very positive and good overall. But I will admit that it gets frustrating at times. It's not so much that I'm losing my hair; I honestly am at peace with having alopecia, and with the very real possiblity of losing a large amount, or even going completely bald. It really isn't that big of a deal, and I've gotten mentally prepared for the 'worst case scenario.' I'm not worried about how I will look or any of that. The thing that gets to me is how unpredictable it is, and that I'm basically just waiting around to see what happens. There is a big part of me wishing if it IS all eventually going to fall out, that it would just hurry up and happen already. I guess I am growing impatient and want it to do what it's going to do, so I can get used to it and move forward. I'm sort of in a constant state of change and acceptance, and since it's an ongoing process, it gets exhausting.

I've been asked if I would shave it all off if it gets to a certain point. The answer definitely is yes. That's actually something I thought about and decided from the beginning. When/if it gets to the point where I have lost a lot, or I don't like how much it shows or whatever, I will shave it off. I would rather have a nice bald head and be happy with it than to have half way baldness and stringy weird hair that I hate. I would feel better with no hair than with half my hair. If it keeps falling at the same rate it's been over the next few weeks, I'll probably do it then. If it becomes clear that I am going to lose most of it anyway, I would rather lose it on my own terms then to just be waiting around.

The thoughts on shaving it, as of right now... I would want to keep a big chunk in front ala Tank Girl. Maybe dye it hot pink or bright blue or something. I think that would be fun. The only bummer about shaving it is that even with it shaved down, it will be patchy. [other people with alopecia who shave their heads describe it as their "map of the world"] So I'll have to cut it all the way down to the skin, which sounds like a hassle to maintain. Maybe I'll just rock the map. Hmm, we'll see.

As strange as it might sound, there have been definite positives to this whole thing. I have started to grow closer to my family through all of this. Even with them being so far away, I feel closer to them then I have in a long time. They have been wonderful about being here for me, even though they can't be here WITH me. My friends have been incredibly supportive, too. I feel it's the not-so-good times that often show you how strong your relationships with people are, and I have never felt so cared for in my entire life. I even have people I haven't talked to in years, and people who I have only recently met passing on huge amounts love and encouragement. It really is amazing.

I just want to thank everyone again for all the support and for helping me keep my chin up!

Oh and p.s. - my hat and scarf collection is growing like wild fire! It's awesome :)